Whether we want to change and grow or remain the same, trauma and experiences change us. I’m no stranger to growth and change. When I was sixteen and raped, I changed permanently. The girl I was before the sexual assault died. She disappeared in an instant. Becoming a mother changes you in beautiful, complicated ways, and I changed once I became a mother. Last year I went through another trauma that catapulted me into the next chapter of my life and changed me forever.

I believe that remaining still and never evolving will kill you. People are meant to learn hard, painful lessons and grow into a more beautiful version of themself. Just as a butterfly grows into that pretty form that we love, you will too. It may take some time and some patience, but who you’re meant to be is waiting for you. I can’t be the same girl I was at ten, or sixteen. I’ve loved, lived, and lost. I truly believe this is my year to fully bloom and become the best version of myself. It’s my year of metamorphosis.

The older I get the better I know myself, what I want, what I need, and what I can live without. There’s something so beautiful about knowing deeply who you are. Even on my worst days, I know who I am. Every week I chat with my amazing therapist (I highly recommend therapy to anyone who just needs to talk, who’s dealt with trauma, and who needs some help healing) and she knows me very well at this point. She pointed out to me today that I’ve changed, and with change comes a bit of rebellion from who you once were and what you once felt. You’ll be attracted to what challenges you and what’s different. I smiled and nodded. She put it so well. Yes, I’m rebelling from what I was in the past and who I thought I was supposed to be. I’ll look at photos of me from a few years ago and although I look the same on the exterior, my heart and mind are vastly different. My soul has evolved in ways that I’m very proud of.

Lately, I’ve been so susceptible to people’s energy and if you don’t give off the right energy, the kind of energy that makes me feel happy and at peace, I genuinely want nothing to do with you. It’s so important to protect your peace and to surround yourself with souls that make you feel like the best version of yourself. You want people around you that challenge you and make you see things in a different light. You want to question things, wander, and discover. You want to dig deep and sometimes, be uncomfortable. I’ve gotten out of my comfort zone in many ways in the past year and to be honest, it feels good to push myself. I promise, if you push yourself you won’t break.

From working out every day and drinking more water than anything else to reading at night instead of watching TV to adopting a spiritual routine, I’m so happy with this chapter of my life. Regardless of where the road I’m on leads, I know the views will be beautiful. I know that the pain I’ve endured has made me stronger and unbreakable. The moments of instability and chaos have made the peaceful moments that more sweet.

If you’re on a journey, keep going. Never back down from challenges and conflict. Remember that with change comes new views and a better understanding of yourself and the world around you.

Xo