On December 8, 2018, my life was altered permanently by a gorgeous baby boy…
Greyson Bryce Killough was born on Saturday, December 8, making me the luckiest mama in the world. It was the most incredible experience of my life and I still cannot believe Andrew and I created this perfect, little person. As soon as Greyson was placed on my chest I fell completely, madly in love. He looked into my eyes and held my finger with his tiny hand; after carrying him for nine months, we already knew one another so well. My voice was a familiar, safe song and he still looks into my eyes with that same, loving expression that stole my heart when our eyes met for the first time. Nothing compares to meeting your baby after a long, beautiful pregnancy and being able to put a face to the one who playfully kicked you.
Welcome to the first entry of The Greyson Diaries, which of course, is dedicated to the light of my life…my son, Greyson. It will be a series filled with honesty, happiness, and love. Xo
I had an amazing pregnancy and I truly enjoyed every moment of it, but as soon as I began having contractions I was ready for my pregnancy to end and for a new adventure to begin. Before I went into labor I watched A Christmas Story and cuddled on the couch with Andrew, wondering when our boy would make his appearance. I fell asleep tangled up with my fiancé, but I woke up suddenly feeling uncomfortable. It was a little after midnight on December 8 when I began to feel minor contractions. I got ready and waited for the contractions to be a steady five minutes apart. I woke up Andrew and told him our little boy was coming! I was a little nervous but mostly excited. I told my mom to be ready and we waited…
We were at the hospital by five am and I was admitted. Since I wasn’t yet in active labor but was full term (officially 40 weeks pregnant) my OB had me induced. Within a couple of hours, I was four centimeters dilated and very soon after I was seven. It went by so fast! Danny (my man of honor by the way) arrived and hung out with my mom and me for a few hours and we talked, laughed, and watched Netflix. Before I knew it I was ready to start pushing. My mom, Danny, and of course, my fiancé, Andrew stood by me through the delivery and I couldn’t be more thankful for the special people that surround me (and baby Greyson). I was so scared before giving birth, but once I felt ready to push…fear faded away. It’s the scariest experience in the world (and insanely exciting) and I’ve never felt more accomplished or proud. Yes, mamas, it’s warranted to feel beyond proud of yourself. Despite the sleepless nights and the constant worry, motherhood is worth it. Yes, your life changes, but it changes in a beautiful way. If you want to have a baby but you’re fearful of the unknown, don’t be. If you’re a new mama and stressing, take a deep breath. You can do this! I’m loving every minute of it (even if it’s two am and he’s crying his little heart out). It’s natural to be afraid, but I can promise you that baby will change your life and your mindset.
I feel almost completely normal again, besides a little soreness and of course, I’m tired. I had an easy pregnancy and my delivery was incredibly quick. I pushed for about fifteen minutes and then Greyson arrived. I remind all of the mamas to be to enjoy each stage of their pregnancy, but motherhood is irreplaceable and you have so much to look forward to. I was me throughout my pregnancy, wearing what I always wore, getting dolled up, working, going out, writing, spending time with the ones I love, and always making time for myself. You can still be you and enjoy your moments once you have a baby and it isn’t true that your life is over once you have a child. I don’t understand women who give up once they have a baby. You don’t have to give up who you are, what you want, or forget your passions once you become a mom. You don’t have to drive a minivan (unless you want to), or stop buying the clothes you love. You don’t have to give up on your dreams or change your attitude. Parenthood is a different chapter, which requires some adjusting. I still find time to clean, write, take care of myself, and spend time with the special people in my life. It simply becomes a balancing act and you need to remind yourself to breathe.
Greyson and Andrew are my entire world and I’m in awe of our little, perfect family. I love watching Andrew with our son; I’ve loved Andrew with every bit of me ever since he first kissed me, but seeing him as a daddy has reminded me of why I chose him. Ladies, remember to appreciate your significant other and show them some love once you’re home from the hospital. You’ll both be tired and finding a balance to your new, exciting life and it’s important to take a moment to acknowledge one another. Yes, the woman delivers the baby but the man is just as much a part of the experience as the woman. A true man will be there through the cries, smiles, and sleepless nights. He will be his woman’s strength when she feels tired and needs a little love.
Andrew is amazing at making me feel the absolute best and I love him for that (and so much more). Also, if you’re having a child through a surrogate or you’re adopting, this still applies to you! Your partner deserves a hug and a kiss for being there beside you through becoming a mom, because it takes a special person to be not only a partner but a parent, too. If you’re single and going at motherhood alone, you’re about to discover how immensely strong you are. As women, we are capable of anything. I’ve never felt stronger or fiercer in my life. I brought a beautiful, baby boy into this world and I’m his everything…just as he’s mine. Also, I’m not forgetting about the single dads out there! I focus a lot on the mamas, because I’m currently living the mommy life, but if you’re a single daddy this blog series is for you, too.
I’ve been asked countless questions since I came home from the hospital and I’ve picked the best to answer to provide a little insight for other mamas and mamas to be.
Am I tired? Yes, of course, I am. But, it’s already getting easier and it’s only been a week. Don’t fear the sleepless nights. Hey, I pulled drunken all-nighters as a teenager…I can handle anything.
How does my body feel and do I feel different? No, I don’t feel different. My body is going back to normal. If you’re healthy and happy your body will go right back to how it was. It’s crazy how fast you can bounce back! It’s normal to feel a little off for a couple of weeks after giving birth, but don’t stress yourself out. Allow yourself time to heal and recover. Every woman is different, but you will heal just fine. I didn’t require much attention after giving birth, but of course I dealt with discomfort! Everyone handles postpartum differently, but I recommend taking it easy. Even if you feel great please don’t rush yourself. You shouldn’t be working out, dieting, or running around like a lunatic.
Why didn’t I breastfeed? If you want to breastfeed or you did breastfeed I respect your decision, but I wanted Greyson to bond with not only myself but also Andrew (and our loved ones) during feeding time without any issues. Yes, you can pump and provide a bottle for others who wish to feed your baby, but there are times a breastfed baby doesn’t want to be fed by others (only mom). Honestly, I just didn’t want to breastfeed. There are reasons why I’ve loved bottle feeding, but my decision to do so isn’t that deep. If you don’t want to breastfeed, don’t. Greyson is super healthy and happy without drinking my breast milk.
Did I feel comfortable with Andrew watching me give birth? Did I feel awkward? Andrew, Danny, and my mom were so excited to meet Greyson that they didn’t even think anything of it. I was focused on delivering my son and getting through labor. I also had an insanely fast and easy delivery. My mom and midwife, Laura were down there, watching Greyson come out and helping/encouraging me to push. Danny and Andrew were by my head, talking to me and holding my hand. At one point Danny was squeezing my hand and Andrew was holding my leg up. Andrew was amazing and proud of me. If you’re with the right person they’ll be right beside you during labor and your insecurities will fade away. Women are so strong and amazing and giving birth is truly the most inspiring experience.
Is my relationship different? Having Greyson has only brought Andrew and me closer. We’re the same with each other, though. He’s so sweet and playful with me, always. I’m the mother of his child and that has connected us in a beautiful, permanent way.
What hurt more…the epidural or the contractions? The pain/sensation from the epidural was nothing like the painful contractions. They cannot be compared because they’re completely different feelings. I cried during the epidural and it is definitely the weirdest feeling, but I needed it. My contractions became too much for me to handle. I grew up with a stomach ulcer and I don’t handle cramps/stomach pain well. The epidural kept me comfortable until it was time to push and then I felt an intense pressure (the urge to push).
What’s the scariest part about becoming a mom? The scariest part about being a mama is worrying. I will forever worry about Greyson and he’s my full-time job 💙
Would I go through childbirth again? Yes, I will definitely be waiting a few years (at least), but I will have another baby someday.
Was it hard to know what to do in order to care for my baby? It comes naturally, ladies! You will know what to do and when you don’t you confide in the pediatrician you choose, other mothers, and you can always read up on newborn information. Remember though, no one knows your child better than you do. Trust yourself. Also, once your baby is born the nurses in the hospital will ensure you’re feeding your baby properly and doing what is best (bathing, routines, newborn care, the crying stages, pediatrician care/shots, etc.).
Did I deal with any level of depression during or after my pregnancy? No, I’ve honestly never been happier and I was really happy throughout my pregnancy! But, I’ve known women who’ve dealt with postpartum depression and it is important to know where to turn. The hospital will have resources for mothers dealing with postpartum depression and for anyone who is dealing with it, don’t feel uncomfortable seeking therapy and help. It’s important to care for yourself as much as your baby because that baby depends on you. Your little angel wants and needs you to be happy and healthy.
Greyson, I love you more than I could ever explain and I will always be here for you. Daddy and I will never leave you, judge you, or drift away from you. No matter how old you are you will always be my baby and my best friend, but I promise to let you make your own choices and follow your heart. I cannot wait for all of our family adventures, moments, and memories. You’re the light of my life and I’ll never let go. You’ve made me an even better version of myself and have reminded me of what’s truly important in life…love, family, and happiness. These blog entries will be our time capsule and one day you’ll read them.
I wish all mama bears (and anyone raising a child) a lifetime of happiness and laughter. I already know that it’s the greatest adventure and it’s so important to cherish each moment. Smile through the tears and make the most of each day. I’ll be here for support, inspiration, and motivation ✨
Stay tuned for the next entry of The Greyson Diaries 💙 & follow me on Instagram @lizziemognoni