Strength and Sleepless Nights

Being a mother is finding fire and strength in yourself each day and battling fears you never thought you’d face. Before you become a mom your fears are immensely different and they only involve you. You worry about your own, personal finances, needs, wants, choices, insecurities, and mistakes. Once you start worrying about another life, things change. It’s one remarkable way to become selfless. You worry about issues that don’t exist, tiny struggles, distant thoughts, and unknown factors. You simply worry, because from the second you give birth and become a mom your only priority is to protect and love. I would kill someone for Greyson and for Andrew. They’ve both taught me the true meaning of unconditional love and I love them with every part of me. As a mama and a fiancé (soon to be wife), I view my role as a pretty, strong bookend. A bookend holds everything on the shelf together and that’s what I do and always wish to do. I want to be the one to take away the pain, piece things back together, and make everything easier.

I’m living and loving the mommy life and I’m so happy to be where I am, especially with Andrew by my side. I couldn’t have asked for a better partner ♥️ I’m always asked how I’m feeling and for those who know me they know I never stop. I’m constantly moving and now that I’m a mama, the movement continues, but at an insane rate. There are only more things for me to worry about, accomplish, and of course, enjoy with my son. Despite my motivation and positive attitude, don’t get it twisted…I’m tired. I do have to say though, each day gets easier. You simply embrace the exhaustion and move forward and at some point, you’re no longer tired. I mentioned in my first entry of The Greyson Diaries that I pulled many, drunken all-nighters and that I can handle anything. Yes, that is very true. This mama has lived. I’ve spent nights roaming around New York City until five am, drunk off of five martinis, and wearing eight-inch heels, but nothing compares to being a mama and taking care of a baby. By the way, any mom who says they aren’t tired is probably delusional from being tired. It’s an exhausting and incredibly rewarding job and the job doesn’t end when the sun sets. The job keeps going and you keep going.

For those currently dealing with sleepless nights I know it can be a lonely feeling, being awake at two am with a crying baby, even when your significant other is asleep in the other room. You may be without a significant other and in that case, you might really feel alone. You’re never alone though, my loves. I always say, if you’re feeling alone there are countless other people feeling the exact same way; if you and others are dealing with identical emotions you’re in the same place, whether you’re strangers or thousands of miles apart…you’re never alone.

Greyson is my little best friend, but it still feels lonely at times when I know everyone else in my life is fast asleep and I’m awake, watching whatever happens to be on tv, trying to soothe my angel and put him to bed. It’s important to cherish every moment, even the tiring, late nights. Luckily, as a writer, I’m used to staying up all night writing and thinking. Have a glass of wine, mamas and take a deep breath. As I write this entry Greyson is cuddled on my lap and it’s a little after midnight. Andrew is sleeping and I’ve been watching old, Christmas movies. If you’re up late and feeling a little lonely (and tired) put on a favorite movie (maybe a favorite Holiday film), or binge watch a tv show to entertain yourself. I don’t mind the sleepless nights because I know they won’t last forever, but Greyson will never be this little again. There will come a day when he will no longer cuddle and fall asleep on my chest, but regardless of what life stage Greyson’s in, he’ll always be my baby boy.

Many moms, like myself, are stay at home moms (at least for a time) and there are moments when our men truly don’t understand how much of a commitment it is. We wake up, after possibly only a few hours of sleep and we live for our kid(s). I’ve taken on my mama duties and the role as a housewife and it’s exhausting (I love it though). Some may think stay at home moms have it easy because they’re home, but it’s not an easy job. We are enveloped by a world that is wildly misunderstood…it isn’t an episode of Desperate Housewives. There’s no one stronger than a devoted parent, especially a mother. To all of the stay at home moms (and dads), you’re amazing. We’re amazing and we have the best job in the world.

Being a mother is finding strength regardless of how tired you are. If you keep that fire lit inside of you and remain positive (and healthy), you’ll get through anything and everything. As the bookend, I’ll remain strong and fierce for my family, always. Loving and caring for my boy and my man is my job and it’s a job without financial gain or promotions. It is a job with an incredible reward though and every morning I wake up feeling proud. Remember, it’s about the little things. As a mama, I truly appreciate the simple moments and the tiny victories. Greyson actually slept through the night for the first time this week and he’s only two weeks old, which makes me a very proud and happy mama.

Greyson’s Letter

Greyson,

You’re the one who made me a mom and I cannot thank you enough for changing my life. I may have another baby someday, but as my first born you hold a special place in my heart. You changed my world the second I found out I was pregnant. I can still feel you kicking me and sometimes I forget that I no longer have my baby bump. I brought you into this world and there is no greater feeling (I wish I could fully explain the feeling). You made me realize just how strong I am and I will never doubt myself or my strength, because of you. You’re my greatest accomplishment and daddy and I are truly amazed by you and your bright personality. I’m glad I had you at a young age and I’m so excited for our future adventures and for you to fall in love with life, just like I did. One day though, I will be older and I know that when I look back at my life story you’ll be one of the most beautiful chapters. I love you sweetheart.

Stay tuned for the next entry of The Greyson Diaries 💙 & follow me on Instagram @lizziemognoni