takeabiteoutofme

I’m Not Like a Regular Mom…I’m a Cool Mom

August 11, 2018

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Santa isn’t the only one coming to town this December…

I’m excited to announce to those who don’t follow me on social media that I’m pregnant with a baby boy named Greyson, and I’m due in December! Pregnancy is exciting, terrifying, and beautiful, but everyone experiences something different. A common mistake women make during pregnancy is comparing themselves and the natural changes of motherhood to other women and the changes they go through. Just as every woman differs from the second they enter into this world as a baby girl, every woman has a uniquely special pregnancy. Weight gain, bodily pain, morning sickness, hormonal changes, cravings, and growing babies progress differ from woman to woman. Ladies, don’t compare yourself to other women ever, but especially during pregnancy. You are YOUnique.

Comparing ourselves as women to others and stressing over tiny, unimportant details isn’t our fault. We’ve grown up watching Disney movies and playing with Barbie’s, constantly being told what is expected of us as women. We are expected at a young age to be beautiful, live life-like a princess (unrealistic), and of course, our traditional wedding day should already be drawn out in our minds by age seven…duh. We want a prince, right? We want three kids, right? We want a white picket fence and a gorgeous home, free from stains and messes…right? NO. We all want something different! It’s not a bad thing if you want any of those things, but if you don’t, you’re STILL a woman and you’re never wrong for loving what you love and wanting what you want. During your pregnancy, remember to remain true to yourself.

I’ve been asked by many, how I’m remaining so healthy and happy during my pregnancy. “Lizzie, what’s the secret?” I may have my secrets, but the reasons behind my happiness and health aren’t secretive…

I’m still dancing, eating healthy, and remaining true to who I am as a woman. I still wear pretty clothes (everyone knows I’m a fashion enthusiast), going to work every day, and doing what I love to do. I also surround myself with only positive people and situations, because no pregnant woman needs the added stress. Stress is not only bad for the baby, but it’s bad for you, too. Some women forget to take care of themselves after becoming pregnant, because of course our children will ALWAYS be a top priority, and we discover that truth the second the strip reads positive. But, we still need to take care of our needs and desires. We’re pregnant ladies…not dead.

I get a manicure and pedicure every two weeks, I shop at my favorite stores whenever I can, I write whenever I’m having a lazy day at home, with pretty, scented candles around me, I go on daytrips, and I find beauty everywhere I go. I am living for not only Greyson, but I’m living for me. I want him to know the bohemian, nature obsessed, animal loving, fashion addicted, ballroom dancing, writer that I am. I promise you, your baby wants to get to know the real you, too. He or she will be interested in your life, passions, mistakes, and stories.

Society is a bummer and it thrives off of a woman’s insecurities, especially when we’re pregnant (lucky us). Companies profit off of the way a woman feels at any given time in her life and when we’re pregnant our emotions tend to be intensified. I want you to take a moment to unfollow any account on your social media platforms that make you feel insecure, angry, or stressed. If it’s a person constantly posting negative messages, unfollow them. If it’s a stupid, unrealistic company that makes you doubt yourself, unfollow them. I have zero time for negativity and that is why I continue to glow throughout my pregnancy. I always say, if you litter your trash everywhere you will wake up one morning and realize you’re living a trashy life. Positivity is power, ladies. In a world filled with hate, ignorance, and negativity, be sunshine.

Pregnancy isn’t the time to tone, lose weight, or overdo it. If you’re doing any sort of workout and you cannot hold a conversation while doing so, you need to tone it down. I’ve also been asked about how my pregnancy has affected my ballroom dancing; it hasn’t. I have been a ballroom dancer for two years and was accustomed to dancing two-three times a week, for two years, with lengthy showcases in between, right up until becoming pregnant. I actually danced and scored very well in a showcase a few weeks prior to finding out I was pregnant. I then, continued dancing and I’m currently working with a new instructor and we’re planning for our Fall Showcase. I just cannot stay off of the dance floor; it’s a part of me. You can still do what you love to do during pregnancy, but you have to listen to your body. When you’re pregnant, your body and mind will let you know when you’re comfortable and when you’re in need of a break. Ladies, have fun during your pregnancy. Go for a relaxing walk, spend as much time as you can outdoors, and workout only when it feels right. You’re going to endure physical changes while pregnant, whether they’re minimal or not, and women are incredibly strong. We can carry a child for nine months; we can do anything. If you have insane fitness goals and plans, wait until after the baby is born.

I drink lots and lots of water, which I actually didn’t do enough of before becoming pregnant and I eat as healthy as I possibly can. Ladies, it’s okay to crave chocolate and pizza when you’re pregnant, but you need to also eat healthily. We’re not perfect and some days we’re going to fall short. It’s no different from before you became pregnant! If you have pizza Friday night, that’s fine. You deserve something tasty, but eat healthy, normal, and balanced during the week. I eat a lot of fruit, vegetables, and I just recently became a vegetarian…again. Plain pasta with garlic and vegetables is great, or an omelet and fresh fruit for breakfast. There’s also a healthy way to treat yourself to chocolate and pizza, for example. I LOVE dark chocolate covered blueberries and cranberries (dark chocolate is good for you), and when it comes to a Friday night pizza, a margarita, or white veggie pizza are much healthier than most other toppings. Be smart and creative with your pregnancy food choices. It’s a time to discover colorful, healthy recipes and to cut out anything bad from your diet. For those who’ve asked me about my vitamins during pregnancy, I also take GNC Women’s Biotin and GNC Women’s Prenatal Vitamins, every single day and I’ve been incredibly impressed with GNC.

I’d like to touch on one last thought before I leave you with a new post to read; I have an amazing man by my side and I’m so thankful for him. He’s not only my lover and boyfriend, but he’s also my best friend. I tell him everything and we’re so comfortable with one another. I wish I could fully express to him and all of you reading this, how much he has positively impacted my life, but it’s hard to put into words. With all of that being said, if you’re pregnant and with someone who doesn’t make you happy, or you’re with someone who doesn’t plan on being there for your child, walk away. You are better off going on this journey alone than with someone who makes you miserable. I have never known my biological father because he never wanted to know me. My mother and I were much better off without him. Stepfathers and adoptive fathers, we appreciate you (side note). If you’re single and pregnant…it’s going to be okay. I promise you, you can do this. I have known so many kick-ass single mamas and they make it through with such strength. Find inspiration and support from friends, family, activities, and books.

To all of my pregnant mamas out there I wish you a happy, healthy, and relaxing pregnancy! You can do this. Leave the stress and fear behind you and only look forward. Cheers to new chapters and beautiful beginnings. Xo

Summer Lifestyle by Lizzie

August 7, 2018

by Lizzie Mognoni

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Fashion / personal

Summer is winding down and with this hot season came new trends, wants, and needs. I am a fall/winter gal, but I appreciate the beauty around me, always. Whether you worked all summer, while taking occasional beach trips, or you were sweating it out at the shore all season, summer is filled with style cravings. I have current obsessions, favorite shopping destinations, and perfect dining spots that I’d love to share with you. Are you ready to shop and sip with me?

Shopping…

Francesca’s is fun, bohemian, and flirty, which is my true esthetic. I’d rather have flowers in my hair than diamonds around my neck, and if you are the same kind of gal then Francesca’s is your next shopping destination. I was a manager at Francesca’s for a while (one of my favorite jobs of all time) and I will always shop there. Be sure to join their email mailing list to stay up to date on current sales and promotional events in-store & online. Clothes aren’t the only thing you’ll fall in love with at Francesca’s; my apartment is filled with candles, wall décor, & other home décor items from Frans. The environment makes the shopping experience fun and relaxing, with beautifully designed boutiques, filled with wall décor (yes, the wall décor behind the counter is for sale), and creative table displays that are eye catching and colorful. My preferred location: Francesca’s at the Promenade at Sagemore, in Marlton New Jersey.

South Moon Under has a similar feel to Francesca’s, but they are more expensive. I usually buy shoes and jewelry from them, but if you’re willing to spend a little more money, their clothing is high quality. I just bought a gorgeous pair of Sam Edelman flats (on sale) from SMU and they’re perfect. The clothing ranges from bohemian to classic, with great summer pieces that can also be worn at work. The styles are transitional and can be worn throughout the year! Remember, any pretty tank top or summer blouse can be paired with a cardigan, kimono, or blazer to transition into autumn. SMU is also a great store to shop at for gifts! My preferred location: South Moon Under Online, or at The Promenade at Sagemore, in Marlton New Jersey.

Nordstrom has everything you could possibly need from formal wear to everyday essentials. Whether you’re a pregnant mama looking for a new wardrobe, or you’re a young guy/gal looking for an outfit for a night out, Nordstrom has everything. The shoe department will have you drooling and the jewelry cases are hard to ignore. Yes, the designer clothing/accessories are expensive, but it’s a great place to shop every so often for a new accessory, dress, etc. They have an awesome underwear/lingerie department, which includes trendy loungewear. I find that if you fall for one-three designers and only splurge on a pricey piece once in a while, that is the way to go! I spoil myself every season with a new designer item. Nordstrom is entertaining and beautiful. I love big department stores, because they remind me of Christmas time and old movies…a different era. My preferred location: Nordstrom at The Cherry Hill Mall, or online.

Altar’d State has a variety of home décor and gift ideas for any occasion (baby shower, wedding, room makeover, etc.) and the prettiest clothing. The store has a true mission and focuses on looking good while doing good. The boutique is spacious and really, really pretty. There’s also a lot of faith behind Altar’d State’s mission as a company, if that interests you. I was raised Catholic and Jewish, so my religious background is complex, and mostly I believe in nature and animals. But, if you’re religious and God truly means something to you, that is another reason you’ll fall in love with Altar’d State. The store has wall art, books, and even custom, floral bibles that focus on beauty AND God. My preferred location: The Promenade at Sagemore, in Marlton New Jersey, or online.

For furniture and home décor? Shop Target, Marshalls, Wayfair.com, & even Amazon!

Restaurants? I have my favorite dining destinations for this season that I’d love to share with you…

Brio Tuscan Grille at The Promenade at Sagemore, in Marlton New Jersey (try the Grilled Salmon Salad, or stop in for a fabulous brunch)

Redstone American Grill at The Promenade at Sagemore, in Marlton New Jersey (The Redstone Burger is delish)

Pasta Vino in Berlin New Jersey (have their Caprese appetizer and any of their pasta dishes for an entrée)

Riverwinds Restaurant in Deptford New Jersey (try the Eggplant Stack appetizer and The Lobster Ravioli)

Howards Restaurant in Long Beach Island New Jersey (try their salmon blackened with chilled citrus butter)

Bistro 14 in Long Beach Island New Jersey (try The Seafood Linguini and a side of Bistro 14 French Fries)

Filomena’s in Berlin New Jersey (try their fettuccine alfredo)

Fall is just around the corner (I CANNOT WAIT) and summer is coming to an inevitable close, but we have another month to plan ahead for our autumn wardrobe. Now is a time to reflect on our favorites for Summer 2018 and a time to clean out our closets before sweater weather returns.

This summer I was all about boho chic dresses, minimal jewelry, mermaids, a little red white and blue, cute baseball caps, wedges, and pretty lipstick shades (pinks, purples, and taupe).

Get ready to shop & sip with me for back-to-school and fall…

You

February 27, 2018

by Lizzie Mognoni

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personal / romance

I walked by you in my ripped jeans and cowgirl boots and that was all it took for everything to change. I could feel your eyes on me, but I pretended not to notice. I flipped my long hair over my shoulder and kept walking, but I couldn’t ignore you. You were something different and my heart knew before the rest of me that it was you. It’s crazy how I went from not knowing who you are to waking up every morning tangled up with you. I felt it the second you stared into my eyes for the first time…we were going to be something incredible. I remember every simple moment that brought us to where we are now, from our first kiss, to the first time you made me laugh. The moment I told you I love you I gave a part of myself to you. No matter what, that part of me will always be yours. You broke down my walls and ignited my heart.

I still look over at you when we’re doing nothing, and I feel the same way I did when I first talked to you. I’ll never forget how patient you were with me before officially asking me out on a date. Not only did you wait to ask me out in person, regardless of the fact that you had my number, but you also visited me every night at work, just to hangout with me and make me laugh (and to bring me painkillers, because naturally I hurt myself). As we sat in your truck in the parking lot of my old job, talking about life and spending time alone together for the first time, cop lights glowed behind us. A cop came to my window and asked if I was breaking into my own work…and that was the beginning of us. You still fill my stomach with butterflies when you lean in for a kiss, or when you look over at me and smile. As a writer I’ve been writing about passion and love since age five, but nothing compares to our story. I’m more myself when I’m in your arms, and nothing makes me feel safer than waking up at two am and having you there. Even when you’re driving me insane (which happens often), I wouldn’t change you or us for anything. We’re real and our own version of perfect. I know I’ve written you letters before (scroll down to A letter to the guy who stole my heart), but this one is different. This one is written to the man who not only stole my heart back in October, but continues to make me fall in love every day.

Life takes you on an adventure with no planner and days are unpredictable, but unpredictability brought me you. I want to thank you for so much, and although words cannot express how insanely grateful for you I am, a gal can try, right?

Thank you for keeping me on the edge of my seat…with your sarcastic comments, one of a kind sense of humor, and our funny moments.

Thank you for letting me dance my heart out and for supporting me. I know there’s a lot of glitter and long nights that come along with following my dream.

Thank you for the dinners and dates you’ve taken me on, no matter how simple. I appreciate you treating me like a princess.

Thank you for helping me transform my apartment into a beautiful space and for sharing all of your ideas with me (even if I shot some of your ideas down).

Thank you for cuddling me and keeping me warm at night.

Thank you for always holding my hand (& I mean literally and figuratively)…you haven’t let go of my hand since the day I first went out with you, and I hope you never do.

Thank you for playfighting with me endlessly.

Thank you for being in control while still allowing me to be in control, but secretively I think it’s sexy when you’re in control.

Thank you for knowing how to handle me, or at least pretending to…

Thank you for keeping me balanced and for always being realistic and honest with me. As a Scorpio, it takes a truly special person to be able to calm me down and talk me down.

Thank you for all of the compliments…and yes, they mean just as much now as they did when we first met. Sometimes a girl just needs to hear she’s beautiful, even if we are having the best day ever and already know it. Your words mean so much to me.

Thank you for all of the Vanilla Chai Teas (and for letting me call them Vanilla Chai Tea Lattes and confusing everyone at Dunkin Donuts).

Thank you for being exactly who you are. I love you for everything you are and everything you’re not. You’ve always been true to yourself with me and I’ve been able to be my wild, crazy self with you. No regrets.

Thank you for looking at me randomly and smiling.

Thank you for not arguing with me as much as I’m sure you could, especially when something completely insane comes out of my mouth. I can feel how much you respect me when we’re together, even when you’re driving me crazy or smacking my ass.

Thank you for making me so happy. There are days when a text from you, or just seeing you at the end of an exhausting day is enough to get me through.

Thank you for letting me miss you and be all over you, even if I just saw you. Yes, I miss you even after just seeing you. It sounds crazy, but every second I spend with you is special. So…thank you for letting me be needy and for letting me wrap myself around you whenever I missed you.

Thank you for putting up with me being a crazy fur mom, because my animals are my life.

Thank you for knowing me well enough to sense when something’s wrong, even if I claim everything’s fine.

Thank you for being my best friend not because we’re dating, but because you want to be. It’s so easy to say your boyfriend is your best friend, but you really are mine. It’s more than just a label for us. At the end of the day I want to go on long drives and adventures with you (even if you say no, haha) and watch Netflix with you. I want to eat too much food and drink an entire bottle of wine, with you. I want to go to restaurants and amuse waiters with you. I want to do everything and anything with you.

I love you.

❤️ your baby girl

A Letter to the Guy Who Stole My Heart

November 17, 2017

by Lizzie Mognoni

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romance

Dear boyfriend,

You came into my life like a beautiful hurricane when I had been patiently waiting for a rainstorm. I wasn’t looking for someone when you walked into my life, but I am so happy that I found you. I think I knew as soon as I walked by you that day at my store that my life was about to change. Yes, I knew you were checking me out and just to let you in on a little secret…I checked you out, too. I cannot explain how I knew a change was about to happen in my life, but I felt it in my heart. I felt it in the moment you kissed me for the very first time in your truck and the second you asked me to be your girlfriend. This letter is for you, my favorite. Thank you for finding me and for making me yours.

I have been through hell and back and I know what it feels like to be broken; I also know what real happiness feels like. What I feel when I’m laying with you or laughing about whatever, is true happiness. I want you to always know who I am, even in my darkest moments. I will always be honest with you. There will be days where I feel anxious, scared, and insecure, but nothing will ever change how I feel about you. Sometimes I battle with the big stuff all on my own, because that is what I am used to. I am thankful to have someone as strong as you to lean on, but that goes both ways darling. I will stand by you through darkness, pain, and of course, all of the good.

I promise to always be goofy and silly with you, but sexy and romantic at the same time. I also promise to always be adventurous with you, despite our day to day responsibilities. I will never hurt you babe, and I will be the first to defend you…even if you’re wrong. There is nothing you could ever tell me that would make me let go or run away. When I’m with you I am there as not only your girlfriend, but as your best friend and partner in crime. If you need someone to bury the body, I will be standing there in a sexy, black outfit holding the shovel.

I want long, crazy days and incredible, sleepless nights, and I want them with you. There will be days where work is the focal point and we are tired or stressed, but as long as I’m crawling into bed with you at the end of the day it’s okay. I want you to know that despite my love for beautiful things, I don’t need money or diamonds, I just need you. Im truly thankful for every moment I spend with you, even if we’re just sitting together talking about life or watching Shameless. Your laugh, voice, texts, and kisses get me through the day. I am all in. Cheers to us babe. 💗

-Your girl

The Art of Letting Go

July 26, 2017

by Lizzie Mognoni

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personal

When it hurts to hold on, let go. When you’ve been watering a dead flower for far too long, smile and put down the watering can. I promise it’ll be okay. Letting go can be painful, but it can also be healing. I’ve let go of toxic people, relationships, bad habits, and of unhappy work environments. Sometimes it’s the only choice we have left. When you’re feeling lost and uncertain about letting go of something, or someone just remember that it’s never the end…it’s only the beginning.

I still believe, despite everything I’ve been through, that everything happens for a reason; if you let something go and it returns, it was always yours. If not, it never was (no matter how cliche that may sound). I’m sure that time will heal my old wounds and will reveal the truth to me. Letting go of a relationship hurts like hell, but holding on when the other person has already let go is suffocating. If it isn’t healthy or fulfilling, move on. Moving on is easier than it feels in the moment of heartache. It may take a few dark nights and many wandering days to come to terms with reality, and that’s okay. Wander and fall apart my darlings, until you’re strong enough to start over.

There’s a lot to remember when letting go of a relationship that once brought you happiness and love. If you truly don’t know yourself and what you want, you’ll never be happy in a future relationship. If the person you’re currently with doesn’t know what they want, or they don’t have the motivation to chase their dreams (alongside you) then it isn’t the right relationship. Life is about passion, adventure, and balance. To find your balance you need to take risks and fall in love with the life you live, which leads to adventure and passion. You also have to be brave enough to follow your heart and quiet your head. Sometimes, your head is too reasonable. Life isn’t simple or straight forward. If it feels right to you, you don’t need a reason or an explanation.

Letting go of the past and your demons is difficult. I view my demons as old, shadowy friends. They still show up from time to time, but I’ve learned to embrace even the darkest of nights. Without the darkness I’d never appreciate the light. It’s hard to let go of something that lives within you. After I was raped I was told to just let go and to move on…it isn’t that easy, and I understand that better than anyone. It’s impossible to forget something that created permanent scars. Scars become an essential part of you. Embrace those scars. You need to know when it’s healthy to let go and when it isn’t. There are no rules or any rush to letting go. Do it at your own pace and don’t allow others to influence the process. Everything is up to you and your heart. Take a moment to think about what makes you crazy happy and keep your passions close. Don’t be afraid to say goodbye to someone or something, because happiness is a priority. You need YOU more than you need anyone else.

Breathe in, breathe out, and let go.

Lizzie Mognoni

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Late Night Words

June 5, 2017

by Lizzie Mognoni

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personal / Uncategorized

You came into my life like a hurricane and I was a flower in desperate need of rain. You were there through the darkness, the fear, the uncertainty, but I was too scared and naive to jump. You’re all my heart ever talks about & I can’t quiet the whispers, but you’re just a thought. You’re not a reality and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss you. I miss the simple nights spent going for walks and venting to each other. I miss the tangled nights in your car…listening to music and your voice, and sitting next to you while you smoked. I miss being carefree and young with you. You made me feel alive and you took me away from a lot of pain. You were so different than any other person in my life, and before I knew it I had fallen for you. I could take you like a dangerous drug. I fell for your darkness and your touch.

I was in such a complicated place then, and I wish I could rewrite a few sentences, but there is no rewind button. Life is about smiling because it happened, even if it ends. I think about who we were to each other and our memories on rainy days. We were a beautiful risk, but I don’t regret any of it. I don’t regret the girl I was with you or the late night passion. I think about the way you made me feel when I’m taking a shot of something strong, or when I’m slipping into sky-high heels. I think about the conversations that meant nothing and the ones that meant everything. Thank you for igniting my soul and for taking me somewhere incredible.

Here’s to you and one of my favorite chapters to read over and over again, Xo.

Be Alone Not Lonely

May 5, 2017

by Lizzie Mognoni

comments 3

Uncategorized

To be lonely is to feel an ache in your heart, but to be alone is to be strong and independent. I’m going to teach you an incredibly important lesson ladies and gents, about being content with being alone. When you’re alone you are 100% yourself, so be fun, creative, and brilliant, and steer clear of sadness, my loves.

When I was growing up there were times when I had little to no friends. I went to a few different schools (I was a private school girl for years) and I dealt with mean, insecure girls every where I went. I was always outgoing, vibrant, and a lot to handle (in a good way) but that doesn’t always make you miss popularity. In fact, girls who suffer from insecurity tend to like the less bubbly girl far more, because she isn’t a threat. It’s easy to compete with someone who has no shine. I came home every day feeling left out, but I had my animals…they were my best friends. I literally don’t know what I would’ve done without them! I was lonely…not alone. When you’re young you constantly crave that attention from other people, but the older you get the more you realize that at the end of the day, all you need is YOU. Bullying faded away the older and more confident I became. I have beautiful, incredible people in my life now. I am thankful for the ones who’ve never left.

I quickly realized after I was raped, that I don’t need others to feel happy and fulfilled. I need the fire inside of me and a ton of passion. I was always a writer, which kept me from losing it! I now am a writer, a dancer, a fashion/retail professional, an animal owner/advocate, and insanely happy with the life I’ve created. I now LOVE to be alone. I love my time to myself, whether I’m spending the day going on an adventure, or I’m writing and watching Netflix. I was in a four year relationship that ended fairly recently, and although he’s still a part of my life, I was afraid that I would fall apart without him with me 24/7. When you go from waking up next to a person, and falling asleep next to them every single day, to not having them around as much (or at all) it can feel as if your world is ending. I promise, nothing is that earth shattering, even if it feels like it in the moment. I was sad and shocked when the breakup first happened, and I still have my moments, of course. But, I have learned to embrace my alone time. I am strong and independent and I have the passion to keep going, with or without others. It’s important to find out who you are, separate from other people. At the end of the day what you feel, want, and need is what truly matters.

Regardless of what you’re dealing with (a break up, a friendship ending, normal life stresses, a death, feeling lost, etc.) don’t be lonely…just be content with yourself. There is always another day for friends, meeting new people, and falling in love. But, sometimes life becomes too hectic and there’s not enough time for you to invest in yourself and your own goals. If you’re beginning to feel yourself slip into the “lonely” realm fall in love with a new hobby, or get a second job (if money is your current goal). Focus your energy on something positive and worthwhile. Although alcohol isn’t a cure-all by any means, sometimes all I need is a good book and a glass of wine. Unwind, release any negativity that is dragging you down, take a deep breath, and relax. It isn’t a crime to enjoy time alone and away from the rest of the world. We actually need time to ourselves, along with spending time with the people we love. We’d lose ourselves completely if we never had a moment alone. Silence can be haunting, but it can also be healing.

One way to always feel lonely (and like crap) is to constantly view yourself as having nothing, and no one. Even if you’re in a period of time where you don’t have a lot of friends or family beside you, that doesn’t mean you have nothing. Loneliness is a state of mind. As I always say, fake it until you make it. If you aren’t happy, smile anyway and before you know it, that smile will be authentic. Negativity is a bad habit. Positive, upbeat people flock to other positive people. Your vibe attracts your tribe! If you’ve been feeling lonely for far too long, it’s time to change your attitude and embrace being alone and never lonely. It sounds confusing, but it’s pretty simple. Spend your days loving every breath you take, and soon enough you’ll have a perfect balance; days spent on your own (feeling good about yourself), and days spent with the right people surrounding you. I survived the worst because I gave myself no other option. Fight for yourself and a happy life.

I wish everyone the best on their journey to finding happiness, peace, and balance. There’s a fire inside all of us…go ignite those flames, even if you’re doing it alone.

Him

April 25, 2017

by Lizzie Mognoni

comments 2

personal / Uncategorized

She sat awake in bed watching an inticing drama, and sipping on expensive red wine. She wore a black negligee and her face was natural. Beach curls framed her soft face, which was sun kissed from a day horseback riding. She leaned over and applied a pale, pink lip gloss to her lush lips. Her phone lit up, and she took a moment before glancing at the screen. It was him.

“Do you want to come by tonight?” He asked.

“Of course, just give me a few minutes to change,” Livvy texted back.

“I’ll leave the door open for you,” he said.

Livvy arrived at his place wearing denim shorts and a bohemian style top. It didn’t take long for them to become horizontal on the sofa. She was feeling playful and sexy; he was eating her up. Their moments were simple and sometimes brief, but she felt connected to him. She’d look into his eyes and everything else faded away. It was amazing, and she had never felt that way before, with anyone else. She struggled every day with how she felt for him, because they weren’t together. He was a part of her life, but she craved more. He was the man she wanted to love. She wanted to say those three, complicated words. He was passionate and true with her, but he didn’t allow himself to fully fall for the beauty. It would be the fall of a lifetime.

He hugged her tightly as she walked out of his place and headed home. She looked into his eyes before leaving, and the words almost left her lips, but she refrained. She wasn’t sure how to express herself, because she had opened her heart to him a year before. The intense feelings weren’t going anywhere, but she felt as though she was running out of time. Life doesn’t stand still while we plan and think. Life is ever changing. He had plans for himself, and so did she. She drove home listening to a rock song and thinking about him. His eyes pulled her in and his touch ignited her. “I love you,” she whispered to the still air around her.

A week faded away, and then two. Summer days were drifting by, and Livvy couldn’t get him off of her mind. She couldn’t sleep and found herself texting him. Her eyes were heavy and her heart was distracted.

Rain trickled down her bedroom window, as she sauntered out of bed. She threw a sweater on over her minimal outfit, and slipped into strappy sandals. She arrived at his place and within seconds of being outside of the car, she was soaked. Her lavender tank top became see-through. Her black, lace bralette clung to her wet skin. She stood on his front step, dripping. He answered the door and realized how badly it was raining. She hurried inside and he ran into the bathroom to grab a towel. Wet curls flowed down her raindrop kissed face, and draped over her bust. She looked into those incredible eyes of his, as he wrapped a towel around her shoulders. He pulled her in close and massaged her with the towel, attempting to dry off her cold body. He looked at her intensely. She looked beautiful and she wasn’t even trying.

They sat down on his bed together, and he covered her with a blanket. She was so tired and yet, wide awake. His presence made her feel at home. They talked about nothing and she laid her head on his firm chest.

“Are you comfortable, Liv?” He questioned with a strong voice.

“I’m perfect, hun,” she whispered.

“What’s on your mind? You seem distracted,” he replied.

“You are, actually,” she said sweetly as she looked at him, with her head still rested on his chest.

“What about me?” He asked.

“I’m in love with you and I can’t go another day without saying those words out loud. I go on dates, talk to other guys, and at the end of the day there’s only you,” she exclaimed with bright eyes.

The rain stopped instantly, as they sat up and looked at one another. She looked out the window and smiled.

“You bring the storm, and you also bring the calm after. You’re different than anyone else I’ve ever known, and I love you Livvy,” he admitted with a passionate kiss.

Livvy awoke to a text from him. She had closed her eyes after texting him about not being able to sleep, and she was hit with a horrible pain. The beautiful words had been just a dream. She rolled over and sighed. She looked at the clock. She threw on a sweater and ran out to her car. She pulled into his driveway and he peered outside, unsure of who was there. He noticed it was her and a confused glance appeared on his face. She ran up to him and kissed him. He enjoyed the kiss, but wondered what was happening.

“I love you. I’m in love with you. I can’t sleep because you’re all my heart thinks about. I know that this isn’t what you planned for. If I sound crazy and you don’t feel the same, I’ll drive away and let you go back to sleep,” she said with confidence.

“Don’t you dare go anywhere. I love you too, crazy girl.” He kissed her and she wrapped her arms around his neck.

Rain poured down and Livvy clung to him. He looked at her, soaking wet and beautiful, and she whispered in his ear, “We’re a storm.”

Living with PTSD

January 4, 2017

by Lizzie Mognoni

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Life can be scary and stressful, no doubt! But, with PTSD it just comes with the territory. When I was raped Sophomore year of high school, everything changed. I’ll remember the details of that night forever; the night ended with my hand punching my bathroom mirror, and a young, vulnerable me falling asleep with a bottle of something 90 proof. I couldn’t wrap my head around what had happened to me; so much of the time I was in complete denial. When I finally opened my eyes and allowed the pain to stay, I was consumed by sadness. I hallucinated, drank way too much, bounced from emotion to emotion, escaped to New York City, and spent a lot of time alone. I’ve learned to appreciate sadness because it can be beautiful, but what I was going through wasn’t beautiful. My life became haunting.

I went to a therapist and I also came forward to the police, finally. The detective I dealt with failed me 100%, and told me I’d never win. I was forced to drop the sexual assault charges, partially because of lack of support, but also because of fear. I will never forget sitting in the dark police station, feeling nauseous. The detective had me walk him through the night and the assault, three times. He recorded me the second time, as he held the recorder uncomfortably close to me. It was the first time I had walked myself through the full night, too. Every detail made me want to choke. It was surreal. I couldn’t remember the exact outfit I wore, and that was bothering me. I knew I wore jean shorts and some sort of cute top, but nothing special. It was really late by the time he got to my house, and it was a week night. I remember finding it strange that he arrived at my house after midnight, wearing a suit. He claimed to have come from church…it was a warm night, hence the denim shorts. I listened to country music (lots of Kenny Chesney) and drank vodka. I wasn’t drunk, but I felt hot and buzzed. The guy who hurt me was once my closest male friend, but he had changed over the past year. He was turning into a monster. I got hurt because I refused to let go of someone.

I was left with bruising and bite marks. I looked in the mirror that night and felt as though my body didn’t belong to me anymore. I wanted to rewind, but unfortunately I still haven’t been able to find that “life” remote. He called me names and left…but he didn’t leave my driveway. I’ll never forget this. He stood by his car smoking a cigarette for a few minutes, before finally leaving for good. I remember the sound of his tires speeding out of my driveway…I stood at my window terrified and unsure of what to do next, or of how I was supposed to be feeling. I was so young. There is no step by step guide to overcoming sexual assault, or any form of abuse. You do what feels right, even if it’s wrong. You listen to your own voice, and no one else’s. You just…live. Even if it kills you, you just move forward.

I can look back and say “Hm, that was because of my PTSD and another moment of weakness”. My PTSD makes me vulnerable at times, & yet I’m incredibly strong. I’ve endured pain and heartache, but gained wisdom.

PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is a disorder that arrives after a traumatic event (war, sexual assault, near death experiences, car accident, etc.). PTSD can be chronic or short term; I have chronic PTSD and often feel scared or out of control, even when I’m not in danger. I experience flashbacks, terrifying thoughts, depression, and sometimes I have no clue how I’m feeling. I go through days of just feeling lost. Despite this ongoing struggle I am happy, and alive, and I live my life to the fullest. I love laughing, smiling, going on adventures, falling in love with beautiful days, staring at the sky, writing, reading a good book, spending time with the best, and creating breathtaking moments.

Recently I went through another traumatic event, that triggered old issues. My PTSD is an old friend now, and it’s just a part of who I am. Things never get easier, you just get better. It’s scary some days, and other days it’s beautiful and perfect. I love my life and the girl I’ve become, but I’ll always have my scars and stories.

There are moments in my life that weren’t ideal, but regretting creates stress. Nothing will change from stressing over the past and old mistakes. Embrace the pain and keep going.

Are you feeling weak or scared? If you are, it’s okay. I’m here for you. This too shall pass, my darlings.

–Lizzie

Smoke

January 4, 2017

by Lizzie Mognoni

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Livvy bowed her head and took a shot of something strong. His deep voice played over and over again in her tangled mind. It was her first day alone, in a long time. She stumbled out of an Upper East Side bar, looking incredible. She could taste his lips and feel his strong grasp take a hold of her; her throat felt hot from the alcohol. So much had changed in her life, and in his. They had never made sense, but she couldn’t shake him. Their memories were a constant playlist. The lyrics sounded bitter sweet and numbing. They were a reminder of what ifs. She knew he wasn’t sitting around thinking about her, but she couldn’t stop thinking about him.

Livvy’s passions took her on incredible adventures. She found herself in beautiful moments, thanks to her wild heart. He was one of those beautiful moments.

As she walked down Fifth Avenue in New York City, she bumped into an old friend. They hugged and made pleasant conversation. Taxi cabs buzzed by them. Her old friend suggested a day of shopping together. Livvy smiled.

“What’s wrong? You seem lost,” the friend said.

“He drifts in and out of my mind like smoke. He consumes my heart and my lungs,” Livvy replied.

“Oh, him,” her friend sighed with a smirk.

Livvy knew he’d always be a part of her, with those pretty eyes and wild thoughts. She was an angel and he was the dangerous voice inside her head.

She and her friend parted ways. Livvy sat down on a bench, in a quiet area of Central Park. She looked around, breathing in the smell of the city. People laughed in the distance and she felt at ease. She had missed the city. A stranger sat down next to her. He wore a nice suit and smelled of expensive cologne. She welcomed the company. Sometimes, she drowned in her own thoughts.

“What’s wrong pretty girl? You seem a bit lost,” the stranger exclaimed.

“Why does everyone keep asking me that? I’m not lost, I just can’t stop thinking about someone,” Livvy blurted out.

“Does he know you can’t stop thinking about him?” The stranger questioned.

“No, I barely see him anymore. I wish he understood.” She sighed.

“You have to make him understand. Don’t leave him with any choice,” the stranger said kindly. He took off his designer hat and looked at Livvy. She smiled.

“Thank you,” she breathed.

The man put his hat back on and stood up. He winked at Livvy and disappeared into the night. As he faded away, smoke drifted through the air. She could find no source, just a cloud of smoke. Her thoughts turned sunny and she exhaled. She could hear his voice. There he was, drifting through her life like smoke.